“I hate my hair.”
Acme, who was driving, looked askance at me, then directed his attention back to the road. “It looks fine,” he said. “Besides, the B-52s are back in right now.”
I punched him in the arm, making him swerve slightly into the other lane. “See!” I cried. “It does look too big. You’re not helping at all, you know.”
He was about to respond when we saw the klieg lights going back and forth across the sky, just a few blocks ahead. “There it is!” he said.
“Great,” I grumbled, checking my ostentatious hairdo in mirror one last time. “I’m going to look ridiculous on the red carpet.”
But really, there it was—the Pirates II premiere, which was assuredly the biggest event of the year. It certainly was the biggest and most expensive adult production ever. As we pulled up to the front of the Orpheum Theatre, the movie title Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge shone in big bright lights, headlining the packed red carpet below it. This was going to be one hell of a movie.
As he parked the car, Acme let me out by the entrance to spare me the long walk from the car in my very high heels. I stood next to the security guard and quizzed him about my hair. No matter how many times he told me it looked fine, I wasn’t satisfied. The poor guy seemed relieved when Acme reappeared to take me into the theater.
On the red carpet, I felt a bit silly (as usual), sandwiched between porn stars who are the real recognizable faces of our industry. If people know me, they usually know my name by my work, but they don’t usually know what I look like. I stopped for my first interview with the always cheerful Tony Batman, who thankfully knows who I am.
“So, Holly,” he asked, pushing his microphone in my face, “what brings you here tonight? What did you have to do with the movie?”
“Errr, nothing,” I answered. “A friend brought me.”
“What did you think of the first Pirates movie?”
“I didn’t see it.”
“Oh.” There was a slight pause when Tony realized he didn’t really have anything else to ask me. So out came the default question: “What are you working on these days?”
I answered, but my response was quick and short, because I knew that nobody really cares what I’m working on—well, at least tonight they don’t care. Tonight is Digital Playground’s night, not mine. So we ended the interview, and in relief, we both moved on.
I bypassed a couple of other interviewers, because they were busy with the stars of the movie: people like Jesse Jane and Evan Stone. I said “hi” to Evan, but I don’t think he heard me. Instead, he hit me on the leg with the long sword fastened to his hip as he swung around to smile for a passing fan.
Next, I saw the other male star of the movie—indeed its namesake, Tommy Gunn, who plays the evil pirate Stagnetti. Wearing the blue contact lens that he sports for the movie, he brought along a cute blonde who he promised to bring by my office when she was “ready to shoot.” I’m not sure what that meant, but I don’t doubt that she’s getting a lot of practice in with Tommy.
As I faced down the last leg of the red carpet, the familiar butterflies in my stomach appeared. I’m not very good (i.e. confident enough) to stand in front of dozens of photographers, all calling my name and taking my photo simultaneously. (When I reviewed the pictures online the next day, I saw that my fears were warranted—I’m looking more and more like my mother, and not when she was young. Note to self: Work on “red carpet face.”)
Once inside the theater, it was the usual schmoozing and “I haven’t seen you in so long!” types of conversations. For me, since I don’t go out that often, it really was great to reconnect with some people and feel like I was actually a part of this strange world of porn that I call my career. But soon enough, it was time to take our seats and let the real show begin.
Acme, through his friendship with Adella (Digital Playground’s, and porn’s, most powerful publicist), snagged us some seats that were not only up close, but on the aisle. Across the aisle from us sat stars of the movie, such as Jenna Haze, Stephen St. Croix, Stoya, and Sasha Grey. Now that’s some serious VIP action!
The lights dimmed, and the Digital Playground icon flashed across the screen. Already people cheered loudly and clapped. The air was filled with excitement as people anticipated watching the biggest porn movie in history. We’d heard of CGI animation, mainstream actors, and the countless hours put into making this film. Not to mention that we were going to see porn people—our people!—on the big screen.
Oddly enough, in a theatre of 500 seasoned porn pros, the room filled with nervous giggles when any of the 10 sex scenes came up on screen. But at defining moments in the scenes, such Belladonna and Jesse Jane spitting in each other’s mouths, the crowd cheered loudly as if at a football game. Every slap, every hair pull, and every almost anal fisting (if you keep the thumb out, apparently you’re safe), drew cries of jubilation from the audience. I half-expected someone to jump out of their seat and yell, “Touchdown!”
Needless to say, the movie was incredibly impressive. It felt like the adult industry was, for at least one night, legitimized. We all felt that we shared in this moment in porn history, whether or not we were involved in the movie. For once, I felt like I was part of one big family, and for once, I was proud of it.